Definition’s.
May 26, 2025
Good Morning Everyone!
Today, I invite you to contemplate the following -
Do I confidently define what I prefer and don’t prefer?
Do I confidently know the difference between guilt and devotion?
There is a saying that goes, “Define what you like now, or the world will do it for you.” and this morning, that saying is resonating with me to the core. The crazy thing is, it’s not the world who does it for you, it’s the people closest to you and your immediate community. Whether you are aware of it or not, the conditioning of other’s has rooted itself deeply into your bones. And while some are life-giving and heart-inspired, other’s were passed onto you from a space of fear, guilt, and unexpressed emotions and desires. Many times, people want to disguise their love for you, by saying, “I”m just trying to protect you.” The truth is, they are trying to protect you from a future that is not your’s, but theirs. And if you are not discerning, you will fall right into that trap.
It’s been interesting getting to know myself even more, lately. I realize, that not having a preference makes things easier within a group and I realize, that’s why I prefer not to be in a group. I don’t like to be disagreeable because ultimately, I want to be accepted and loved. And that’s when I have become cynical and pessimistic. I started seeing the world through a lens of victimhood, thinking that I couldn’t get what I wanted. Not realizing, that it was me, who wasn’t allowing it because I wasn’t allowing myself to have a preference. I will naturally and unknowingly do it with everyone - my brother, my daughter, my partner, my friends. I’ve realized that I am liked because I am agreeable. I don’t take the time to actually decide whether I like something or not. I am always trying to keep peace within a group of people. I realize now, as I write this, that’s exactly what my mom did. And when she got sick, she became even more cynical and negative. Her outlook on the world became riddled with even more fear and pessimism. She devoted her life to everyone around her, out of conditioning and guilt and this false belief that, people cannot do for themselves, so you have to do it for them. She found her worthiness within those parameters.
I think that’s the value of the example that my own partner sets. He is disagreeable and he will not do what other’s want to do, including his own parent’s. He will choose what he wants for himself without guilt and I am learning from him. It’s not about me wanting the same things as him, it is me remaining steady in my own wantings and feeling free enough to define what I want and don’t want.
I realize, in this moment, that I am still learning to love my authentic self. I am still learning to define what that authentic self is. It seems that I have to be even more intentional about defining what I like and don’t like now. Even in the small things. That is how I will begin to build the habit of trust and remaining true to myself.
If this serves as anything - allow this to be an offering of preference. This is your reminder, that you get to choose what you like and don’t like. That it is not only okay to have a preference, it is your God given right to have a preference.
In this moment, I am realizing how much I have been tip toeing around my life to be acceptable. I’ve always sort of known this, but I believe I am understanding the true depth of it now and perhaps, it is more deeply understood now because it is ready to be acted upon.
Today, be good to yourself. Honor the life you’ve been given by owning your ability to choose.
Love Always,
Ariel