Day #10
Letter’s of Surrender: 90 Day’s of Living An Intuitive Life
June 19, 2025 7:38am
Dear Reader,
This morning, I am thinking alot about the word, “radiance”. It was interesting because yesterday, I bought this new moisturizer called the Arctic Berry Peptide Radiance Cream. And, it does everything from boosting collagen to relaxing the facial muscles to reduce fine line’s and wrinkles. It is made by the Eminence company, and is all organic. The thing is, when I went to the shop, I had another moisturizer in mind, but they were out of stock with it. I was thinking of a moisturizer that acted as a more natural form of Retinol and would be great for my client’s. Of course, I wasn’t thinking of what would benefit my skin, personally. I was thinking of what I could add to my facial’s for my client’s, to help with their skin. I don’t feel the need to add any form of Retinol to my own skin. However, I was attracted to this Arctic Berry Peptide Radiance Cream, with no real logic behind it. I already, loved the brand. And I generally know that peptide’s are great for the skin. So I invested in that cream, for both myself and for my client’s.
Later on in the day, I had an experience that made me realize that I have these deep-seated wounds of being afraid to shine. There are feeling’s of guilt around it and, also, not wanting other’s to feel uncomfortable with how fulfilling of a life I want to live. Generally, I don’t tell other’s what I am building. The only people who know the extent of what I want to build, are my partner and my daughter. Which, in their presence, I don’t feel afraid to shine. I don’t feel afraid to dream big and ask for more. There are also, deep-seated fear’s of being rejected mixed into all of that, too. Not wanting to shine too brightly, because ultimately, I want to be accepted. I don’t want those I already know, to think that my head has gotten too big. Or, that my life, in some way, threaten’s their own capacity to thrive. It was really heart-opening to me to really see that in myself. I even found myself asking, one of my client’s, who is a local woman that became a doctor, if sometimes she feel’s ashamed of all of her success. Even someone with her success and stature said, yes. She said, that she finds herself justifying why she wanted to buy a nice car. Or, why she wants to go on vacation’s. And the thing is, many people don’t understand that they can have all those thing’s too. No one is holding them back, but their own belief’s about themselves. Also, I realize, I have no control over that. I cannot convince people, who already don’t believe in themselves, that it is okay for them to live a big and fulfilling life that is grounded in their own authentic truth.
So, as I bought everything together that day, I realized that in many ways, the universe was trying to speak to me through all the thing’s that I was invested in. When I went to the shop to buy a particular cream, but came out with one that will help my skin and the skin of other’s, to shine. The conversation’s I had with my client’s about past trauma’s and realization’s that those trauma’s have created a skewed view of ourselves. I realized alot of the guidance that I offer to other’s, is often, advice presented for my own personal use, as well. I guess, in some sense, I feel it is arrogant to make everything about me.
But, on the other end of this, I realize my whole life is about me. It has to be about me. You don’t live your life for other’s. You live it for yourself, because you deserve to. These message’s that I receive about living your most authentic self, is not just meant for the collective, it is also, meant for me. And the fact that I don’t register that sometimes, really opened my eyes yesterday. Also, the message that I receive that encourage the idea of living your most authentic life, because it inspires other’s to do the same, is not just meant for the collective, it is meant for me. It’s like, I’ve been saying these thing’s, but not really understanding the gravity of what I’ve been saying.
The thing is, my day to day, doesn’t really change much. For the most part, I do the same thing’s every day and yet, I find myself on an adventure of discovery all the time. Especially, as I open my heart to listening and receiving on a whole different level. I am always learning something new. I am always uncovering clues to my next step’s. I feel like I am in a story, and I am the main character. Nothing else matter’s, but my own journey. And you know, even as I write this, I observe my own fear of shining all over again. But, on the other end of this, at least I am acknowledging what it is. I am acknowledging that it is there. I have been harping on honesty and truth, but haven’t really shared honesty on all level’s. I have poured out my demon’s, but haven’t really poured out my dreams. Or, the fact that I already have so much of what I pray for.
I even really sat with the idea that I have prayed for the relationship I have with both my partner and my daughter. I have always prayed for the wisdom to be a really good Mom, and the receptivity to be loved by a man, unconditionally. I realized yesterday, that my partner love’s to show off our love in public. Not in an exaggerated from of PDA, either, but in a form of consistency. We are just as close and just connected outside of our house, as we are inside of our house. It expresses itself differently, but I can feel the fact that he is proud of what we have. That what we have is radiant enough for other’s to see and be inspired to create the same type of relationship for themselves. And I think, that’s the value of this type of honesty. I know why we are so connected and I can explain with an open heart, how we cultivated this relationship. It’s not just about the action’s we take, but it’s about being able to teach it’s truth, if needed.
The same goes for my daughter. People observe my daughter and I and think we aren’t a mother and daughter duo. Many times, when we are out at a restaurant, the waiter asks, “Separate checks?” We laugh, a ton together. We hug on eachother tightly. We hold hand’s, and put our arm’s around eachother. We respect eachother. We honor eachother’s dreams. And it is not a show. We act like that everywhere we go. My daughter recently told me once, that she talks about me alot. Especially to her friends. She says, she think’s the thing’s that I do are cool. She says often, that she is thankful for me and she is proud of me. I always do the same. And althought, she may not really understand the depth of our relationship, I think she appreciates how human I am with her. I tell her about my mistakes. We laugh about it, even. She tell’s me about her’s and we make light of it. We express our revelation’s about life and the new thing’s we are learning, and although, she is only 12, her ablity to reflect and express is an incredible skill she’s cultivating. We are aware of our mood’s and are honest when we cannot keep up with the other. We give eachother space and even, when we aren’t feeling it, we express it honestly and respectfully. It is not always perfect, but it is fulfilling. The truth is, it wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t always this mother. I had to grow into this mother. But, the value in this is, as I shift into better version’s of myself, so does she. We reflect eachother’s light.
And so, I end this with thought’s of love and reflection. When we are our most authentic self, we inspire other’s to take the same path. What becomes possible for you, becomes possible for all.
Love Always,
Ariel