Day #9 Reflection
June 18, 2025 7:56pm
Dear Reader,
As I was doing my card reading’s for my YouTube Channel today, I found myself struggling with fluidity. I would get into a receptive flow and then, stop. Then, have a hard time tuning in again. I thought I was hungry or, tired. But as I sit to reflect on it, I realized, it wasn’t flowing because I felt I needed to get it perfect. My ego identity was starting to come to the surface and I was losing sight of why I even started my Youtube channel to begin with.
I enjoy pulling card’s. It is one of the most fun thing’s I’ve ever learned how to do. It makes me feel more connected to myself and to God. It makes me feel connected to those I’ve lost. It also, makes me feel like I live in such a magical and fulfilling place. And yet, as I was pulling today, I could feel myself caring about how my message was going to be perceived. I could feel judgment starting to surface and, I began picking apart my work. I was trying to get it perfect. I wasn’t aiming for raw & real, I was aiming for flawless. And that’s just not real. As an intuitive reader, it’s not always going to flow. You’re not always going to find the right word’s or, even be able to translate the energy in a way that is understandable. The goal is to align with the energy, and let the energy speak. And, THAT, is what I was having a hard time with today.
Oddly enough, the messages I was receiving, was about aligning with your authentic self, and learning to move with your own rhythm. And yet, I wasn’t getting it. I was so caught up in wanting to get it right, I couldn’t hear the message.
Isn’t that just so reflective of life? Sometimes we care so much about being right, that we cannot hear what is being conveyed. Sometimes we care so much about being perfect, that we cannot receive the truth. And so now, I’m sitting here like, what else have I missed? What else have I closed myself off to? It definitely served as a reminder to be more present and intentional.
I realize that the message’s aren’t just for the people who view them, they are for me, too.
It was also incredibly reflective of one of the conversation’s that I was having with my client today about the opinion of other’s. She was explaining how she struggles with being seen. She often feel’s like she’s being criticized and judged. And I listened and offered guidance through my own experiences. What I didn’t realize was, I was taking all of that on, too. I could relate so deeply with what she was saying, that I found myself taking the walk right beside her. It brought up my own insecurities of judgment and criticism. Especially, as I start this journey of transparency and authenticity. And, that’s the thing with me, I want to relate to people so much, that I will lower my vibration. I want to make them feel like they’re not alone, that I energetically walk beside them. And as much compassion as that may cultivate, it also, puts me in a state that I have been doing my best to tune out of.
I brought all of that fear of criticism and judgment to my reading’s. I brought all of that perfectionism to my reading’s and that is why I couldn’t flow. I wasn’t tuned into my true self. And that, is something I need to be more mindful of. I love doing my reading’s. And the last thing I want to do is bring energy that doesn’t serve the highest expression of other’s.
So, as much as I love my client’s. I do need to be more mindful of my wound of belonging. I do need to be more intentional about what I allow into my space. And, I do need to be more mindful about encouraging conversation’s that don’t serve either party. To direct conversation’s that are about moving toward’s your authentic path, and being the best version of yourself, and talking about what makes you feel joyful and excited. I realize, as I type this, I don’t have enough of those conversation’s with other’s. The savior within me, always wants people to lay their hard truth’s out on the table, so we can talk about it and understand it and examine it. I think, what kind of person would I be, if I didn’t help them? And, I still can’t quite get a hold of this. Because what does my life look like, if I just re-directed all conversation’s toward’s one of excitement & fulfillment? Is it possible to live a life that isn’t about looking for light in dark places, but instead, just focusing on the light?
I think, part’s of me also feel like, will people like me if I become unrelatable? If I hold myself to this standard of positive alignment and forward-looking conversation’s, will I be accepted by other’s? I am seeing how this fear of not being loved still creep’s into everything that I do.
TBH, I don’t feel much clarity as I come to a close on tonight’s reflection. But I do feel, that change is on the other end of this threshold. Talking about our problem’s, just seem to create more problems. So, perhaps, that works in the opposite direction, too. Will talking more about our dream’s and goal’s, create more manifestation? I know this change will begin with me and learning how to ask myself the right question’s. Then, from there, offering those same question’s to others.
The simple goal moving forward is, to focus more on what I want, verses, what I don’t want.
Energy is one hell of a thing.
Till the morning.
Love Always,
Ariel