Remember
May 22, 2025
I write in personal journal every morning. I have done it for many years now. I would say at least for the past 10 years. Before that, I was an on and off journaler. What really put me in the state of wanting to journal every morning, was a challenging experience. I was going through a tough time in my marriage, but even before that, I could feel this deep emptiness within me. I would drink alot and escape my discomfort through doing. I did alot of Muay Thai training, which I think was a healthy escape, but an escape, nonetheless. I was doing so many different kind’s of jobs and I was looking for something. Looking to fill that void I was feeling in my own heart. I was busted wide open in my challenging marriage experience. God reflected right back at me the emptiness I was feeling inside and all of the insecurities I held onto. The type of insecurities that were passed onto you from generation’s before you. Back then, I didn’t realize that was an actual thing. I just perceived it as me, being weak and that I needed to do better and be better. I even started casting blame on my ex-husband and the people around me. If they would just be better, then I could feel better. I created a powerless environment for myself and blamed everyone else for it. It was both hypocritical and quite frustrating.
I have been doing a ton of reflecting lately. Especially, as I begin to become more vulnerable in my writing and in creating my businesses. Since I lost my mom, I realized that I have been playing scared in my one, God given life. I wasn’t doing myself any favors. Nor, was I setting a powerful example to my Ayva and to the people around me. I was doing enough to be acceptable and playing within my limited limitations I’ve set for myself. Fear is one tricky mfer. Fear has this incredible capacity to feel like home. So, you stay within it and you move, within it. Survival mode is one hell of a trick your body plays on you.
Lately, I have been recognizing that I have been having to hold space for the expansion that I’ve been asking for. I have been having to consciously train my nervous system on how to handle difference and change, because if I do not, I will never be able to align with the life I want to create, and the impact that I want to have. To consciously choose to lead with your heart is scary when you’ve been leading with your mind. To consciously choose to surrender to aligning with God and the path that you both know you’re capable of, is scary when you’ve been in survival mode.
And this particular message, is for those of you who are beginning to feel the discomfort in your heart. For those of you who are in this interesting space that feels like, “in-between”. You are in-between the old version of you and the better version of you. You feel like you’re walking blindly into your next steps. The old way’s feel just as uncomfortable as the new. This is your invitation to allow the discomfort of the new. To re-define and re-frame it as excitement for all of the dreams, goals and desires that exist in these new spaces. The future you is calling you forward and pereceivingthat energy as excitement, is what will allow you the courage to start stepping forward with confidence. Step towards your future self with bravery. Even if it is just little steps. It still trains your nervous system to accept that you are choosing a more empowered version of you.
Even more importantly, know that you are not alone. That there are many of us who are going through this crucial transition of change. Of allowing ourselves the blessing and gifts of change. Know that deep within your soul, you have been asking for this and in this life, you get to have the things that you want. Surrender and alignment is your only job. Prayer and listening is your current tool’s.
Today, I invite you to melt into the loving arms of your creator and begin to take steps towards the future you, that has been calling. You deserve this. You deserve to be on this journey of becoming the best version of yourself. Remember, you are held in the loving embrace and protection of your creator. You are brave.
Love Always,
Ariel