Day #43
Letter’s of Surrender: 90 Day’s of Living An Intuitive Life
Tuesday, July 22, 2025 12:12pm
Dear Reader,
I have heard that when you think of those you love who have passed, they are actually trying to send you a message. I have heard that if you are still in grief, you translate their message, as sadness and pain. In other words, it is hard to hear the clarity of their message because grief is cloudy.
I have been thinking about my Mom a lot these past couple of day’s. Especially, as I come up on a life event that I have been planning for some time. It is important to me and I am so excited, yet nervous. She was always the first person I shared my excitement with. No matter how old I was, I always wanted to run to her when something great had happened and say, “Look Mom! Look what I created! I am doing good! I hope you are proud of me!” Of course, as I got older, it translated in different, more mature ways. Nonetheless, I was always looking for her approval. Always, wanting to ease the internal fear that every mother has about their child doing good.
I used to think I was looking for her approval because I felt insecure. I thought I was chasing love. Perhaps, there was a bit of truth in that. But, I am beginning to see that alot of it was driven from a place of love. The little girl in me was looking to soothe my mom’s fear’s about motherhood. Intuitively, I could always tell that she was trying her hardest to be a good mom. And, I just wanted her to know, in as many ways as I could, that she was and always has been a great mother. Perhaps, that’s the perspective shift I haven’t been able to see. I’ve blamed her for the insecurities that I carried into my own relationship’s. But, I also, haven’t given her enough credit for the unconditional love that I carry into them, either. The willingness to put my best forth. The willingness to change and become whatever I believed would be best for my relationship. That all came from a place of love and, what it really needed, was balance and fine-tuning. It didn’t need blame, guilt or a complete overhaul. It just needed to be examined and encouraged to grow and evolve in different ways. I’ve learned that, out of love, I do what is necessary for the people I love. Love drives me and although, sometimes, that can become misplaced, all road’s paved with good intention DOES NOT have to be the road to hell. That is the value of self-reflection and conscious healing.
I learned this valuable trait from her. I am taking what she taught me and, fine tuning it.
I honestly thought I was going to come on here and write about her and the grief I still experience. I thought I was going to write about how I’ve been having a hard time hearing her. I realize, that what I wrote above, is the message. My grief need’s more love. More specifically, it need’s a deeper understanding of oneness. That we are all connected and through love, we can better understanding ourselves and, the people in our lives. We can better understand our deepest fear’s and how they may have existed in our ancestor’s. We can choose to heal the fear’s that have plagued our family line for generation’s. We do that, through self-reflection and choice. We take what has worked and amplify it. Fine-tune, it. We take what doesn’t work and let it go. From generation to generation, it is a constant evolution of healing old cycle’s, unraveling old programming and choosing better. This work is deep, but it is rooted in love. The type of love that grow’s solid foundation’s.
For many, this may seem like a time of separation. There is truth in that. However, the solution to separation, isn’t more separation. It is deep integration. It is being able to weave into what already exist’s, and find yourself in other’s. This is the type of work in which you will find humanity, and what it actually means to be human. This type of work will alllow you to hold an understanding of duality. That although we hold unique life perspective’s, we also, come from the same loving God. The same source of unconditional love. Separation is something that human’s create through fear and, we don’t have to choose that anymore. It begin’s within us and, is shared through every decision and action we make. It beg’s the self-reflection question, “Will I move in fear? Or, will I move in love?”
Till tomorrow.
Love always,
Ariel