Day #71
Letter’s of Surrender: 90 Day’s of Living An Intuitive Life
Tuesday, August 19, 2025 8:54pm
Dear Reader,
I have been sloppy and undisciplined with my thinking these past few day’s. Initially, I had started tonight’s post with, “I have been feeling dark and emotionally heavy the past couple of day’s.” I erased it. I realized, that I have been letting heavy emotion’s sweep me up in it’s emotion and follow it. I realize, that I have conditioned myself into this and perhaps, like some say, it’s normal for human’s to be more negatively oriented. It is somewhat of a safety mechanism and perhaps, that’s true. But I also know, that it doesn’t always have to be my truth. And perhaps, I am only seeing this right now as an opportunity to train myself into stopping the momentum of negative thought pattern’s as soon as they begin.
I guess I never truly realized how negatively oriented I can be. I never realized how often I am judgey and unsatisfied. And honestly, maybe it’s not as much as I think, but it’s enough for me to start noticing it. AND, find myself fed up with it. It’s also interesting to me to realize how I put up with my own negativity. It does not feel good and yet, I allowed it to become familiar. I thought, “This is just how it’s supposed to be.” And the thing is, I don’t want it to be that way. I want to be able to stop negative momentum and choose a positive one. Or at least, to remember to tune into the present.
From my late teen’s to my early 30’s, I drank alot of alcohol. Beer was my alcohol of choice and the thing is, I wouldn’t just drink one. I would drink to get wasted. And, I did it often. I realize now, that I was trying so hard to change my state. I couldn’t sit with myself for too long when i was sober. I was literally drinking to escape my own negativity. I realize now, that the freedom I continue to pray for, is one from my own negative thought pattern’s. And now, I also realize, that the only way to free myself from it, is to do the work. It’s alot of self-awareness and immediate momentum shifts.
These past three day’s are just a reminder that I still have momentum to keep in check. I can choose to become frustrated by it or, I can choose to see it as an opportunity to change. And, to continue choosing change. It’s honestly so crazy to think that, the hard work is choosing positive thought patterns over negative one’s. Choosing happiness shouldn’t be hard, but I understand, that most of us just want to feel safe. Safety and familiarity often feel the same to us. So we will go back, even if it’s not serving us. Because at least, the misery is predictable.
Moving forward, I am going to take the rest of this series to focus on choosing positive momentum. I am going to intentionally write from a more positive frequency. No more complaining or over-analyzing. I am going to choose to align with the future I want to live, by writing about it. By talking about it. By sitting in my vision’s of it. I hope you do, too.
Till tomorrow.
Love Always,
Ariel