Day #54
Letter’s of Surrender: 90 Day’s of Living An Intuitive Life
Saturday, August 2, 2025 9:13pm
Dear Reader,
I have been having a tough time, since my daughter went back home to get ready for her upcoming school year. I always have this ache in my chest, that want’s me to run back to get her, as soon as she leaves. This is probably one of the most challenging part’s of my life. With everything that I am creating and managing in my life, this one thing seem’s to bring up hurt every single time. However, this time, I feel different. I feel like I want to sit here and examine this pain. I understand that it is an indication of my love for her and what I value, but what bring’s up confusion for me is the question, “How do I act on that?” Is there even anything to act upon? Or, do I use this as fuel to align me with my goal’s even more?
I am also honoring the idea that this is just part of the experience of being a mother, who is no longer with her baby’s dad. She is going to be with me and leave, many times in the entire course of her life. And, I am going to have to let it be that way. She will become an adult and want to explore what it mean’s to live. There will probably be long period’s of time in which I do not see her. And, I am beginning to understand that it is going to hurt every time. I think it’s just one of those thing’s. A duality that I will have to learn to become more fluid within. Because if we’re being honest, I was already trying to force the next opportunity for us to be together. I could feel I was coming from a space of, what almost felt like, desperation. So many different feeling’s come up for me every time she leaves. I question my worthiness as a mother. I wonder if I am doing enough. If I am being enough. Then I start to try and compensate for these insecurities through action. And, that is the cycle I perpetuate that shakes any attempt of me building a solid foundation.
Intuitively, I know, I am being asked to root in my faith that my daughter is lovingly held in the protection of her creator. That, everything is happening in alignment with her highest path. I am being asked to root in my belief that the best thing I can do for her, is ensure that I become the highest version of myself. Because in aligning with that path, I show her what is potential. Setting the example, will always speak louder than words. Not only do I show her what is possible, I show everyone that I’ve ever loved and who has loved me, what is possible for them. And, I think there’s true value for that. But, not one really talked about how lonely this road may be. Or, that when choosing to build a new foundation, you will experience period’s of transition from one level of reality to the next. With those transition’s being quite challenging because you have no choice but to trust in the unknown. Especially, if you want your life to change.
It’s interesting to notice the how many up’s and down’s I’ve gone through in these past 54 day’s. I wonder if this is what living an authentic life really is? Or, is this just what the path looks like when you’re transitioning into the authentic life, you were always meant to live? Either way, I can feel another shift coming as I examine the discomfort I’ve been feeling. I can feel myself wanting to find more clarity and hone in on the more authentic version of me. I can feel question’s beginning to peak their head’s out in relationship to what I truly want as a mother.
I think the most important thing to do moving forward is to sit with the discomfort. To become fluid with it, so that you can discover the message that lies beneath the pain. Pain is an incredible teacher. Even, in it’s most subtle form. It doesn’t just show us what we do not want, but it clarifies what we do want. There is so much value in that. Without pain, we wouldn’t understand the freedom of choice. Many times, it is the destructive force that is needed to build a stronger foundation and to become more aligned with your authentic self. Be courageous enough to sit with thing’s in your life that bring up discomfort. It’s on the other side of that discomfort, you may just find more of your true self.
Till tomorrow.
Love Always,
Ariel